I’m driving myself crazy hearing these endless words in my head. So much to say. Not a word comes out of my mouth. I’m stuck in this place where I feel as if the world around me isn’t ready for what I need it to be, and what I need it to understand in order for me to feel at home again. I miss you so much. The way you kissed me, and then let me go. That hurt. Please don’t tell me you actually stole my sock on purpose. That’s just rude. These words, I’ll just let them go and watch them leave. I hope it’s satisfying. I hope when I hit post on this page, I feel that sense of gratifying relief that I’ve been waiting for. It just seems unreal. I can’t believe this is my life. It sounds so dramatic and unrealistic for me to write this; my life is so normal. So normal it hurts when you squint your eyes and look closely. I wanted a taste of what life could be - I got it. It just hurts so much now to let it go. Watch it happen to someone else. Take a different turnoff. You know? Do you? Fuck. You don’t. But doesn’t everyone? We are all so different, but all so the same. I can’t let this go. I can’t let this go. I can’t just forget. It was all I ever wanted - all I ever want. It was perfect, and probably not what I deserved. Not everyone gets what they deserve. And sometimes, you do. And when I did, I was not happy. Beat at my own game? I’ll never admit it. Never, never.
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Hard Candy - Counting Crows
On certain Sundays in November
When the weather bothers me
I empty drawers of other summers
Where my shadows used to be
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